Archive for Therapy

Cougar, me?

Posted in Communications, Men&Women, psychology, Relationships with tags , on October 8, 2010 by ichas8440

“When you learn from the best you understand all the rest.  Cougars…”

Today the synonyms associated with the present social phenom politely referred to as Cougars are, Hotties, MILF, Urban Hunters, Rich Women, even Mad Women.  Regardless of how the Cougar is perceived, there is a powerful undercurrent of understanding this lifestyle which publicly resides in denial.  Maybe due to the scandalous component women of cougarism creates.

Then there are those of the mental health community who have defined Cougars as women experiencing a mid-life crisis.  To dispel this mis-conception the women who practice this lifestyle identify themselves as, “women who feel really comfortable entertaining younger men”.

“Real Talk”, people, communities, organizations with names followed by multiple letters never fail to amaze me.  Anytime there is a rising consciousness of something which appears to have social significance, immediately…  Camps are formed, separating each group by seemingly invisible lines in which these divisions stand authoritatively behind.  And while doin’ so, professing to have the exact medical term needed to define the malfunction of whomever or whatever it is they’ve set their sights on.  In this circumstance it is; Cougar.

Those who schooled me in the fine art of “cop, lock & block” did what  they do at the highest level.  A place within this Game of life that few will ever attain.  In my initial break-out blogs I introduced you all to Zel.  He received what in todays times would be the equivalent of a “mil-ticket” (reads one million dollars).  This is not based on anticipated earning but guaranteed salary.  Proceeds paid, directly deposited into his account by a woman whose age eclipsed Zel’s identified age by at least 20 years.  Male Cougar?  You decide.

C.W. aka “Pine”, another of those earlier guys who took me up under their wings, enjoyed his quiet adobe located in the lush hills of Monetecito cali.  His chosen mate was a woman 17 years his senior.  Many of those “haters” whispered behind their cloaked existence that the woman with him was being used.  Used based on what and whose assessment?  Could it have been the aged difference or was this alleged use based on the lavish gifts bestowed onto him by her?  Bas’teurd?  You call it.  Bill Clinton was said to be a bastard after the internationally publicized activities between him and Monica, but…  Was he that “bas’teurd”?

Finger pointing is not just an American thing but something found universally.  People love to accuse others of engaging in something socially despicable when they can’t do it.  And yes, you’ve read it correctly, CAN’T!

Can’t doesn’t imply that you won’t or you don’t.  Can’t means you lack the understanding & there is no possibility of you ever approaching, exploring or slightly engaging in that which you swear to know everything about.  Can’t also means that whatever it is you know you know you aren’t built nor will you ever be ready for, sooooo.  You act like it’s isn’t important because “you” of all people know its way outta your league.  Hence, condemnation.

There was a cartoon from days past.  One in particular always fascinated me and starred that rascally rabbit, last name Bunny first name Bugs.  His best portal of his character in motion came forth whenever he was minding his business, stroolin’ alone, chompin’ on a fresh carrot.  While engaged Bugs always seemed to attract a passel of yappin’ dogs.  Dogs run in packs and we all know “pack” comes with “pack mentality”.  Anyway these dogs would chase down Bugs, surround him as the lead dog pounced.  Because of the excitement created resulting in the pack mentality mentioned, every one of the other dogs would join in and pounce too.  Dogs, Bunny, especially Bugs, wrong combo.

Bugs was clever, resourceful and always able to apply adaptive intelligence.  In this case, tactics deployed with a keen understanding of strategic reasoning, Bugs came up on top of the pile of dogs.  My point!  Bugs knew who he was and knew how he was livin’.  Bunny knew of the inherent dangers no matter the environment he entered.  Maybe the rabbit engaged in “role play” way before he decided to skip alone chompin’ on a carrot.  I don’t know, what I do know is he knew enough to know the possibilities of the existence of X-factors.  Many of those who attempt to define the “fields in which others play” don’t even engage, so really.  How can they even attempt to come up with answers to issues they know very little about?

Okay, flip the script, remove Bugs and slip in, let’s say, Cougar.  Do you know the actual motivations of those in this field of pursuit?

Casually I injected the word “user” while giving you a glimpse of C.W.’s life.  Well, retain that word because I don’t want ‘cha to get it confused with “abuser”.  C.W. like anyone who is deep into what they do know that there are fundamental standards required in order for their involvement to be a success.  Hummm, if this is the case, so must these Cougars of today know this, wouldn’t you think?  Or are these women merely of ill-repute requiring the same labeling as their male counterparts?

A woman from Biblical times (Mary Magdalene) attracted Jesus.  She was considered a ‘lil too promiscuous also, but…  Again, those who pointed fingers weren’t really on the conscious level of J.C., or even close to his divinity.  Alright, consider this; how could these people even begin to identify, classify and vilify?  I definitely got this on so stick with me.  They assumed someone had bestowed the power on them!

Most of the women engaged in cougaristic lifestyles are, “coincidently as reported”, older that  the males they pursue.  Definitely more secure financially than the males they’ve allow into their reality.  Assuredly much much more mature emotionally than their counterparts who again, are males, but…  Factor in that word “cubs” apply it in a traditional sense while pushing it in todays sense and; it will suggest incestuous relationships.  Hey, Cougars define themselves and in doing so seek Cubs mainly for sexual liaisons, but.  I won’t even go there.  This is what they say.  I’m just pointing something out.

Basically what this identifies is within todays society everything is way too convenient and always justified through generalizations.  Zel wasn’t about abusing anyone.  Compensated for his time?  Without a doubt.  Paid in full and Zel was always on time for the woman whose husband forgot the simple little things that originally gave them comfort.  Things like emotional support, physical attention, all aspects of a relationship that ushers in psychological stability.  But Zel won’t get a pass.  Society said he was a bastard.  As for C.W., he attracted a woman of his choice.  got with her based on his needs, plus another aspect of this scenario that always manages to get side-stepped.  They were consenting adults.  Two people who equally benefited from their decisions.

Okay all said, let’s allow for a bit of caution so that you don’t get any of this twisted.  Many of those engaged in Cougarism don’t  have a clue as to the social dynamics of what has been outlined here.  Bottomline, they are women who…  For whatever reasons, aborted mission, ejected while stepping into another cycle of life that gives them solace.  At what price?  Are they Cougars because this is what they are or are they Cougars as a way of “sexing down” someone more extreme on the sexual dial than those they are accustom to?  Are Cougars attempting to re-live that childhood fantasy when they dressed their dolls in the fashions they so choose?  Cougars dress Cubs.  (note; this is one of prerequisite for actual participation in Cougarism)

One of my detractors, and I really don’t mean that frivolously, has gone to lengths in defining commentary as opposed to reporting.  This is, for my benefit.  I guess this is because somewhere it was collectively assumed when anyone speaks or writes with such powerful content of passion they infuse what is shared with a marked sense of emotions; such as I!  Yet there is a another school of though on this.  When you seek anything in-depth the best way to acquire real Intel is to seek out someone who has stepped with passion towards what it is they do.  Sorta’ like if you sought out a surgeon.  Would you want to go into laser surgery with a doctor who just got into the use of lasers because of the increase in pay, or.  Have a surgeon who applied skills with advanced knowledge, techniques and un-heard of intelligences because that is the best way for achieving positive results?

Cougars, the female heroine in this suburban socially arousing activities doesn’t frighten me.  They don’t even intrigue.  What does is Western Society and their penchant to classify while attempting to isolate and qualify something that they really don’t know about.  It is this sector of people who you need to “suspect”. Un-like the nuevo-status assigned to Cougars, there is no transparency to any of this.  Still, I can see and you can too.  People who condemn usually are living a life of pretend.  They want what others have but haven’t the “heart” to go for it.  Especially if that want is out of the norm.

Men who are aware of who they are in relations to how society is would be lying if they said they weren’t ever on the hunt.  This is a basic characteristic of human nature.  Society says that people have evolved to the point of being progressive and hunting is an ancient aspect of our culture.   B.S. !  Women hunt, men hunt, and it has nothing to do with semantics.  There is nothing phenomenal hunting or the useage of the word.  Men who seek out younger women for any sort of engagement are, “Dirty ‘Ol Bas’teurds”.  Cougars on the hunt or out on the prowl will not ever be of this perception because it connotes deficiency on one capacity or the other.  Men will not allow this because, she is his “woman”.  And don’t assume males are cool with cougaristic activities either.  If they were, Viagra wouldn’t be so popular.  The male is trying to stay in The Game.

As for seeking another sex for sex, well…  I’m not saying that “taking childin'”, (reads children) is mutually gratifying to either party involved.  Child signifies immaturity, sex with an immature person doesn’t equate into any sort of pleasurable thang unless you are a beast.  Cougar, Dirty ‘Ol Bas’teurd, sex is a major part of the both sides of that life.  With any stark difference in maturity, predation comes into it.  But again, this is being “dialed down” because it is “woman”.

Another practice of the Cougar is dress.  Subjective at best.  The truth depends on who is providing the descriptive narrative.  Most media reviews provide graphics of  these women in provocative attire.  The “twins” aggressively displayed.  make-up on the theatrical side.  There is a way to dress sexy yet remain, classy.  I think most of the women pursing Cougarism knows that class evades ’em.

Most places I’ve been in America there is this sense of skepticism.  Glance into the eyes of those you encounter.  Lock into your surroundings and you’ll sense the vibe too.  Despair reins but my take is, this isn’t suffrage.  It is a longing for the return to happier times which is why everyone looks at days gone as the better times.  Maybe this is a result of society and its desire for instantaneous everything.  Western Society is at a loss when it comes to civility, Cougars and their motivations included.  It’s okay to “blast out of the closet” declare “I am Cougar”, just know that your roar will be heard and the response may not be what ‘cha expect.

Is this Cougar the result of a mid-life crisis?  I’m not medical so I won’t put myself out there like that.  Female seeking LTR?  Possibly, but given the vast numbers who’ve stepped to me representing this platform reserved for Cougars, I’ve obtained some remarkable insights.  One is many a Cougar is engaged in “Sanatized-B.S.”.  Independently, individually, doesn’t matter.  Remove them from the collective and they don’t know shit.  I say this because when a person attempts to qualify what is coming out of their mouth by stating the results of a study that hasn’t taken into account the variables defined by the X factors, well.  That person is saying they have no insight into the quality control applications needed to guarantee all things factual onto them!

Psssss; When you see a Bentley cruising down the street you know it’s a Bentley way before it arrives.  When you see anything mass-produced coming your way you grin while recognizing something; manufactured.  It’s arrival is media driven.  “Cougar anyone.”  One last thing, I’m in no way leaving this Cougar matter to what has been defined.  Presenting my Cougars of choice, Catalina, by way of Paris.  Bao-Yu (means precious jade) direct from Hong Kong.  Ms. Devore a real West Coast Cougar.  They’ve consented and  I’ll do ’em in print.