Archive for philosophy

“Male to Male; In The Field Of Game Lords©”

Posted in Communications, Men&Women, psychology, Relationships with tags , on March 18, 2009 by ichas8440

Spoony.  Spoony, Spoony, Spoon!  Here you have a good man.  Works, but I won’t tell you what he does.  Yet, I am pleased to say that what he does, he’s successful at and this success goes beyond materialism.  “The ATL” is the region that he lays his head, and it is his wife who made the initial contract with me.  Still, I am pretty certain that the desire to dialogue with me was prompted by the changes within the household atmosphere he politely refers to as “The Dominium”.  Yes, I would agree, when you understand the dynamics of communications, a cloudy, rainy day always holds excitement.

When Spoony reached out to me to to let me know of his arrival, I didn’t make any efforts to find an excuse not to see him.  Even though most who do what I do may of felt seeing or speaking with the significant other of the one they are seeing would create a conflict of interest.  Naw, with me I know what it is to be professional…  Professional to the point of not crossing any lines, even the invisible ones!  But, this didn’t prevent me from cross referencing the bank account number that his wife routes my fees from.  Un hun, his name was primary on that routing number.

He arrived during the night and after dis-embarking from his flight, Spoony said he’d like to experience a strip club.  Ok, so I whizzed him over to Caesars’ Palace.  After a brief moment inside where many women dressed in some very exotic period pieces, he corrected me on the strip thing.  Understanding his words much more clearly, we quickly got into the car and proceeded to the Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen’s Club.  Securely behind their doors we opted for some privacy, got it and seemingly kicked back to enjoy the T&A show.  Spoony must have realized that I wasn’t feelin’ the spot, because he leaned over to me and asked if everything was ok.  I gave that typical response that everyone does so as not to offend, but he read right through it.  So off we go to another location.  This particular spot had an Asian theme.

Lunai’s was a location I truly appreciated, it had that interior ambience that was conducive for a lot of activities.  Plus, it wasn’t full of visual distractions, such as scantly dressed enticement’s.  It was here that the questions began.  “Hey man, Spearmint Rhino’s a little too much for you?” The question I heard, but this wasn’t a question and I sorta’ got that sense immediately.  He was on a mission, still I answered him.  “Nope, I’m just not so into those locales.” What he and I were engaged in could have been viewed as a sporting event.  Two B.Ball players with me being the one who just entered the paint, faking him out of position with ease.  But as in any event you have two sides creating two different attitudes of approach.  It was his turn to come again.  “Angela is feelin’ you man, she loves what ‘cha do.” Smilin’ to myself but only because this man was good, I was back on defense but I wasn’t about to have my ankles broke.  Kobe Bryant he wasn’t!  Without displaying any signs of agitation I used a diversion by glancing over to the big butt Asian woman who was lurking behind him at the Sushi bar.  Winked at her and said to Spoony.  “Yes, I make it a point to send her back to you knowin’ what to expect.”

“Shift like an Aston Martin and keep it smooth while you stay with me, okay.”  Which is exactly what I was about to make Spoony do.  Stay focus, pay attention to where I was goin’ and not get caught up in the method of delivery.

Now, as I mentioned; Spoony was on a mission.  His purpose was to define the type of man I was and while at it, find out if his woman had been true to those vows she expressed back in the day.  “You know what I mean”. But, back to my presentation, if he’d been of the nature to take flight, those feathers would have been too ruffled to ascend.  Yes, he was definitely in his feelin’s by what he’d just heard.  Still, we were two men.  Not males.  So that competitive posturing was kept in our reserve capacities.  He simply inhaled and said.  “Man if you are hittin’ that just go on and tell me.  And if you hadn’t…  Well, lie to me ’cause since she’s been in therapy with you things are different at home.  So, if it ain’t you, I’m dead in the water ’cause I don’t know who it could be!”

Man to man, I enjoyed this one.  He wasn’t confrontational, he wasn’t out to prove anything.  Spoony came correct.  Not once did we engage in that male to male dynamic that leads to that alpha male syndrome.  He was at a loss with regard to his woman and merely sought out the most likely candidate.

In seeing were he was comin from, I immediately addressed that therapy thing.  I don’t do mental health per ‘se and I wasn’t comfortable with the indication.  “Practicing medicine without a license…  Oh no.” From that point we touched on the crisis he felt was happening in his house.  With his insight, he was no where near the mismanagement point within his relationship, and he agreed with me on this.  I should have know that he would.  I mean, look at how he approached me with his concerns.  He came with an understanding of how to arrive at a positive level so that him and I could move our communications forward.  I said he was good.

In continuing, I did see that by what I said, he had gained insight as to how to better deploy crisis intervention.  If I had been wrong after this meeting and once over our clash, he’d head home with full battle stance being the order of the day.  Still and all he was right in his…  Plan to understand the change in his significant other.  Spoony knew that communications were based on listening, hearing and paying attention to who is talking with you.  What they are saying and what point they are trying to make.  He also knew that I wasn’t into T&A and my reaction at Spearmint’s was anticipated.  Basically he just had to be sure.

As for speaking up on “getting with his woman”.  I cannot say.  I mean if mine was seeing someone and stressed it was on a professional basis, but gave every indication otherwise…  Made me think…  Imagine for one second that she had “served him”, I’d go crazy.  Insanely crazy because I would know that it would just be a matter of time before he’d be bangin’ on my front door.  Screamin’, pleadin’ and demanding that I take her back because he couldn’t deal with her and the seductive powers she had.  Powers and persuasions reserved for teasing not pleasing!  Yes, I’d go crazy because I’d know that I’d have to prepare for her drama once again.  But…  Like I mentioned, Spoony was good, I’m good.  “Like the B. Ball player, I can rain 3’s all day!” Which is to say, he nor I re-visited the issue about hittin’ that.  Feel me!

Psssss. There are ways in which men speak to each other that defines their awareness of self and kind.  Then, there are ways that women speak to men and to other women that will not be categorized, at least not now.  Still, these are the independent and inescapable dynamics of InnerPersonal Communications.  He to He, She to She, sometimes just you & I.  We miss much because we’re too busy jousting for position.  Still, we know of these dynamics and can feel the vibe.  Especially when it’s un us not to really wanna change something.  Spoony wasn’t about to change a ‘thang.  Maybe he just wanted to get away from “The ATL”.  And if this was the case, he should have known that Vegas with the T&A spots doesn’t have a ‘thang on “The Dirty South!