Archive for Happiness

The Call

Posted in Communications, Men&Women, psychology, Relationships with tags , , , on April 9, 2011 by ichas8440

 

While watching the T.V. watch me, I got a call.  I don’t know which home the call came from but I wasn’t ready to go to either home!  My mind was tellin’ me that it was my home in the heavens, while my body was sayin’, “If you think this is pain, wait ‘til you get down here”.  A direct indication advising me that the home which may have been reachin’ out wasn’t from up above and yes…  I didn’t wanna receive that particular type of call.

Believe it or not, I’ve dealt with the devil before, and on various fronts.  The most amusing took place as a ‘lil impish something sat on my chest one evening while I reclined on the floor watching the fireplace “snap crackle & pop”.  So to even be aware of a call from down below wasn’t ‘nothin’ knew for me.  What was outside my realm of experiences was the pain felt during this call.

Not physical but more so mental.  An intense, crushing type of pain to the point of creating an extreme sense of physical paralyses.  Physical I can do, attempt to suppress my ability to breath and its panic city!

Oxygen is life, without it everything advances in sequences defined by darkness.  I see myself in areas devoid of the capacity to feel, see and just enjoy being me!  Yes, with this call I knew the threshold had been stepped on.  My toes tingled as they became numb.  This would be an altering event.

Beyond panic mode I “slunked” all the way out of my chair and onto the floor, crawling.  Fingers grippin’ deep into the carpet, pulling my body forward.  Finally reaching the foray and that dreaded marble floor.  It didn’t stop me and I slid across it and into the bedroom where my “Private Reserve” rescued me.  Chills engulfing my body.  The cold was becoming insurmountable.  The shakes increased.  In the warmth of her arms I felt a source I could re-generate myself from so I collapsed my eye-lids and absorbed.  It was during these times that images of past affairs became very brilliant within my mind.  Thoughts and images so overwhelmingly precise that…  If I wanted to reach out and caress either of their faces it wouldn’t have been a problem.

Some would attempt to judge saying.  “Hallucinations created by an over-active mind brought on by the “kool-aid” drunk prior to the lucid dream”.  I’d say good assessment because lucid means rational giving much credence to what I’ve defined to the degree of being somewhat correct.  As for trippin’ because of some outside stimuli such as the kool-aid; please!  Society’s been sippin’ on some sort of un-known beverage since the beginning of time and I don’t have a ‘thang on most of you which brings me back to me.  I am now at a point way over my head.

 

It was during this vision that I realized something about the two who presented themselves during this moment. We happened to share something cosmic.  They both were born in the month of April, with one presenting herself on the 1st and the other on the 7th.  Oh, I didn’t engage with ‘em in this order as the latter became the former as in first on deck, but…  We were all born within the star sign known as Aries.  This revelation cleared up something I’d been considering for a long time.  That something was this.  Even if there is little truth to the astrological thing, based on it’s long handing down from one century to the next, people ascribe to the characteristics of each individual sign regardless.  Knowing this allowed me to easier recognize why the confrontations on so many fronts during the rein of these relationships.  We were all fire signs, fiercely devoted to who and what we sought.  Passionate while pleasing to a characteristical flaw.  Possessive to the point of only seeing our conclusions!  Sorta’ like the devil who sat on my chest while tellin’ me that the world could be mine if…  If I committed!  Yes, much like my Ex’s in their quest to get a guy to commit.

Like the ‘lil demon who held me down, pinning me to that floor, preventing me from rising, I cannot say the same with regard to an Ex..  Ex’s some would say are totally demonic.  But hey, neither of these I speak of will ever be cast to that lot.  Still if I wanted to, I could be like most and condemn ‘em after the fact but what for?  To talk about someone you’ve been with and for the time I spent with them would be to knock myself.  Basically saying my judgment was impaired or something to that effect you know.  Oh, they had influence like most women are able to command upon a man within their line of sight, but with me…  I only committed because it was mutually beneficial.

The point; during this call from one of those other mythological homes I was also able to maintain consciousness while examining the lives of those who’ve I’ve touched.  All a good thing!  Another good thing is having the opp. to share life with another who is aware enough not to allow “days of past” to cloud one’s judgment.  Oh, she has tricks but…  What Gemini doesn’t?  Today she is sane, tomorrow she is actin’ strange.  This is how she does it, and she is my delight!

Soon after I was revived and no, not resuscitated, I shared with her where I was during this moment in which I was under attack.  “Attack, a powerful position, hunnn…” To be called from a point in which you have no real understanding of is nothing more than an attack.  Like a prank phone call.  You answer, a question is posed or a voice is unrecognizable, but because it is your phone you engage.  Just like my Ex’s.  I felt that because we shared those astrological birth signs it would be more conducive to engage because we had much in common.  Silly I agree.  In life you won’t ever really see someone comin’ ‘til they see a need to put on display another dimension of who they actually are.  “Shape-shifters”, “Transformers”? Nope, human beings.

After this call I was prepared to re-engage life.  Grab it, hold it and let it know that I had much more to achieve while taking this journey before I’d ever accept another call like that again.  Then, BAM…  Someone else reaches out to me in an attempt to disrupt my peace.  Little did they know that it wasn’t anything they could come with that would cause me to become emotionally discombobulated like I was during that previous call.  But when they posed the question concerning this internet portal known as “ashleymadison.com” I must admit, I didn’t see it comin again.  She sought my opinion on “hook-ups”.  The word wasn’t new to me and I immediately ran with it.  Giving her an explanation as to the virtues of such a situation.  Whoa, I had been sleepin’ far too long.  ashleymadison had put a spin on the term and I…  Not being aware of what they did spoke up way too soon.

 

Hook-up from my day was about hanging out, havin’ fun, wining and dining, while eventually becoming closer associated.  Extremely familiar so to speak, before you “touch one another”.  With ‘ol ashleymadison and today’s crew, “hook-up” is about sex with no-strings-attached, a la “NSA”.  ashleymadison.com is about being married, living with another or whatever your case.  Then, because personal head-trips create illusion of missed opps..  Those causing one to see themselves as neglected, abused or sexually outta sync, one conjures up feelings of being dissed.  They step out on their significant other and do the nasty with whomever appears on their radar screen.

ashleymadison purportedly doesn’t condone this behavior, they’ve just built their business model focusing on this exact mentality.  I can only say this is demographical review targeting a clientele knowing their primary objective before hand.

My new caller was shocked at my response to her inquiry about the possibilities of her involvement in “hook-ups”, but…  I’m good and was able to maintain the flow while engaging at the same psychological speed she was travelin’.  A’la today’s meaning of “hook-up”.  This allowed me to use the stories of my Ex’s. and those perceived commonalities all people living as one, share.  I even explained to her about the verbal commitments said under such circumstances with the googly eyes full of passion & desire.  From there I touched on something she hadn’t anticipated which was engaging just to be!  Just so one can have another to compare your primary against. Adding that the “hook-up” is today’s politically correct excuse for freedom to get busy.  She really tuned in on this.  I know it was the injection of the word “against” that struck a cord deep within her psyche’.

Life isn’t about being against or for, it’s about you.  Say it’s selfish and I will come back with “so what”.  If you won’t represent yourself don’t expect anybody else to do it for you!  Like my Ex’s. Some have come to me and said they’ve “dumped salt on me”, (reads, blashpemic words against yours truly).  I hear it and say, ashleymadison!

Now you say what does ashleymadison have to do with me and for that matter, any of my Ex’s?  Just this.  None of my Ex’s ever had to worry about the transmission of STDs where we were concerned.  They didn’t have to contend with the possibility of me needing another to know their worth to me.  None of my Ex’s or my other callers need concern themselves with being advised on what they should do given any set of mind boggling circumstances.  I am not the neighborhood Psych. who is bounded by political mandates and government oversights.  I don’t do “should”.  I say they do, simple!

Selfish?  “Middle-finger”.  Arrogant?  “Aren’t we persistent”.  Full of himself?  Oh yeah, now you’ve got the vibe.

None of those I’ve shared life with are suffering from lack of or low self-esteem.  We saw one another, we engaged.  We failed at some of the things we thought we wanted to achieve.  So what!  We are still standin’.  Oh, we all felt a little lost and very much confused after the fact but…  We didn’t go “ho” as in whore and run the gamut on selling ourselves just to get a momentary fix.  I guess social maturity is something slowly acquired.  Ya know.

Psssss; If one’s self-esteem has been shattered to the point of one having to engage The Net just for a “hook-up” or in my language “to tap ‘dat ass”.  One…  Doesn’t have the sense to recognize a damn thing experienced or acquired from one’s past.  Someone other than your present significant other hit that mind of yours and all things comin’ with it.  Meaning your entire being was in some way or another sexed up way before the point you’ve followed another’s flow.  You lived though that so keep livin’ and tap the resources from within before you settle and follow the herd!

Psssss, Psssss;  I am not ashleymadison nor do I need anyone to be the Conductor on my quest for some…  “Private Reserve” (reads in today’s vernacular, “hook-up”) Remember, this is what I do.  This is what I know.  When you get with me I will tell you about sand being sold in the Sahara along with suggesting you miss that sale.  Yes, I can do this because unlike sheep as in people who stay asleep, I won’t follow the herd.  I am the proverbial Black Sheep but I don’t speak Baaa as in Baaa Baaa either.  “But then, maybe…  I should try some non-descript booty acquired through links within cyberspace.  Hummm, maaaaaaybe.  But then again…  Alien Affairs have a super high built-in risk factor that off the charts.  Feel me

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