Archive for January, 2014

How Do You Make A Relationship Work… Hummm

Posted in Communications, Men&Women, psychology, Relationships with tags on January 13, 2014 by ichas8440

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Stating what I know with regard to “Player” seems to have engaged something similar to a Pandora’s Box.  Another email arrived with the sender asking, “Who gave “you” the right to profess to have a PhD in what you refer to as Playology”.  For anyone else, maybe this line of questioning would be cause for prolonged thought as to who and what One was actually made of.  Not in the case of…  G.

Abandoning the original form of communications and picking up the cell, it was obvious.  Audible inflections didn’t reflect the tone of the email.  I could sense a calming.  Emotional settlement, ya know.  Anger is something usually triggering an offensive response and can be traced back to a personal discord to what it is, absorbed.  Once this person concluded their point had been heard, received and accepted, they reverted back to cool status and I knew now, our conversation would be productive.  I shifted with an easiness moving them into my world effectively letting them know I hadn’t professed anything.  In fact if they’d of paid attention it was the word “attest” not profess.  When the Emailer heard this, the simple clarification made ’em laugh out loud.  The ice so to speak had been broken.

InnerPersonal Communications is straight “luv” when you stop seeking domination over another and just flow with what ‘cha know.  We continued with our dialogue and I felt really good with who I was talking with.  When the phrase “Cuttin’ up a rug” was injected and my response being, “take it to the dance floor baby” didn’t cause the conversation to slow, I knew…  Knew that both of us understood the term “Boss”.  Oh, Boss?  The word used in this sense means being at the top of Your Game and little to do with professional separation by means of entitlement.  So many confuse terms and phrases used by another when they speaks and this creates a lack of insight regarding what is or is said, meant or implied by that other.  Then…  As I sat there, contemplating all this…  Goodness in exchange, “bam”, it happened.

4:45, early early morning.  The room was dark, ‘cept for the blue glow emitting from the screen of my cell.  Light seen, mental registration confirmed.  There was no need to stop the next level of notification as my cell continued to vibrate in my hand.  Yes, a full blown audible attack had commenced compliments of modern tech so I simply spoke the words; “Answer”.  The sobbing was picked up first followed by the voice.  Claris, Wifey to Claudius, “Laud” for short.  Her statement, “Did I wake you” came through clearly.  She had no idea I was already in conversation with another.  Her question, the purpose for contact came quickly.  “Will you please tell me how do you win at a relationship”.

Quick answer, “Commit to something greater than you”.  Extended version, it’s obvious and germane to the word itself.  Relationship, “relate knowing a ship cannot sail without full cooperation from everybody onboard”.

Claris and marriage was serial where she was concerned.  This was Hubby number five and her passion was still high.  Cause of confusion moving her to the border lines of Confrontation Court, didn’t matter.  She was steep in her belief that Laud wasn’t getting’ off easy and she wasn’t goin’ out without standin’ for what she needed.  Hummm, two characteristics required to survive were there already on display.  Yes, she would be one who would avoid the present onslaught known as typical Drama .

My other line was chiming in again.  The name etched across the screen, Laud.  This was beginning to develop nicely, a FAM under assault with both parties seeking support independently with the hopes of avoid the inevitable.  Muting Claris I accepted Laud’s call.  He also spoke from a position of passion.  His words didn’t deviate in tonality either when he said.  “Man ‘uck these so-called experts tellin’ me to bring the Wifey down for another session so they can evaluate why we are constantly falling apart as a couple.  Man it’s gotta be’ mo to this shit other than a bunch of meeting alleging therapy.  This shit ain’t do it.  Help me man, I’m missin’ something and they ain’t tryin’ to see me when I go on one cause they takin’ my money like I’m a fool ”.

Two calls, 2 distinct personalities.  Both tired of all the mumbo-jumbo coming from the Therapist, Psychologist, Marriage Family Counselors (MFCs) all abiding by the HIPPA Laws convoluted by other professional organization mandates who only have one concern.  Profitably despite these same laws prescribed to  promote Health Insurance Portability and Accountability.  Many professionals only want to, keep ‘em in the blind and get that money.  Hummm, opposition I sense?  Okay, those opposed to what is can merely confirm by asking any in representation of the titles listed the same question Claris presented to me.  Your answer will be…

I cannot say what the answer will be exactly as I don’t ‘fess to have a Crystal Ball so I cannot tell what the future hold nor what the past was in its totality.  What I do know is ‘nar one will respond with a definitive answer because.  Those mandates, the pre-defined guidelines in which they have to follow to do business with the masses professionally won’t let ‘em. “How do you know this?”  Through fine R&D of the rules and regulations stipulating professional engagement in same.  All mandates, government guidelines have a secondary agenda which is actually the primary directive.  It’s all about making money.  Help…  Wait on it.

Today there is a trend known as “Interactive Exchange”.  This is when those involved with a significant other won’t take it anymore and “take a break” from their significant other.  While on break if they happen to become intimate with someone else with a residual package appearing months after and they’ve also returned from the break from their “significant other”.  Nothing changes and everything continues as before.  All blend and move forward as one happy FAM.  I can understand this foundation when it’s based on culture stability but…  Personally, surrogate doesn’t work in the long run, emotionally or structurally especially in a social sense because…  Western Social Orders (hidden agendas) even though publicly accepting of such, privately, talk about those involved in same from a negative point of view.  This creates an edgy psychological atmosphere whenever the two totally different schools of thought collide.  Or, as some might wanna believe, meet.

When seeking support, understanding and clarification because of something one encounters, only to not get anything real.  File it under the category defined as stalling.  When FOLK don’t really know or have been regulated to the doctrine of “not tellin’” because of pre-defined mandates, usually you can trace it back to this tactic.  I can’t do this B.S. because when I do anything and don’t feel the vibe.  The after effects are emotionally draining cause I short-changed myself.  Imagine going to a pre-op consultation where the Surgeon who will perform your operation can’t find the words to explain what it is that will be done.  Why it has to be conducted under such sterile condition.  What one should anticipate as positive results and what the negative aspects will be, and…   Sits there, twiddling’ their fingers, watching  you and hoping you the patient won’t continue to question their authority in seeking clarification for wanting solace prior to laying down while the same Surgeon along with their allegedly highly competent team get ready to…  Basically play The Almighty but are really experimenting on you.  Failure to have an ability in answering any question ‘posed, especially in an area you are ‘pose to have command of is a sure sign that…  You have just delivered yourself to someone characteristic of the complications that’s brought you into this realm in the first place.

Back to Claris and Laud.  He knew she had been down this path a few times before he was ever on deck but what he didn’t factor in was…  Why had she maintained that luggage, carrying it from “ship to ship”.  For this I also had an answer but.   What works for some may not apply to others.  Say I gave him my vibes on how to address his predicament and he had ulterior motives.  Oh yes, maybe it was a case of him seeing that booty, gettin’ a taste, becoming hooked and now.  Didn’t have any idea in how to handle it from the point he found himself in.  Not sayin’ this was the case but could have been the case.  Way too many get involved with the significant other and won’t go past the exterior projections.  You wanna win in a relationship you’ve gotta come correct.  Starting with yourself.  What are and were your motivations.  Why are you there.

We are a society totally reliant on technology for our daily source of nourishment.  Western Society demands to get their fuel from the same sources who know they’ve exhausted the original sources for substances and have gladly designed substitutes of which, no body questions.  Again the why?  I know the why and its…  Laziness.  It’s okay to want instant instant, just know that when you get away from the original DNA of anything all you have is a substance of lesser quality.  Swag or Cool, which is the one and defining adjective capable of being all-inclusive, representing the actual manifestation of who and what you are?  Nothing changes based on the era or point in time when that point in time forgets what time it derived from.  As in the relationship.  There are so many professionals, lay persons, Life Coaches trying to do this and…  They’re clueless.  The mess society has created in how FOLK don’t relate is because…  Again, based on what FOLK have allowed themselves to be reduced to.  Claris is a serial relationship person, not because she’s lonely but based on being alone.  There is a difference.  Her core group of friends, associates, they aren’t providing something she definitely needs and probably can’t, but.  Because of the longevity between ’em, she’s formed a connection and won’t break the negative bonds they are built upon.  “How do you know this?”  30 years plus, dedicate to pushing the envelope in this same life she’s leading.  Three decades of intimate relationship, trying all types of moves, examining the triggers I’ve pulled after the power contained within had been released.  All to see what will make my significant others stand tall or.  Abort mission, evac talking madness about me and what I did as they step and…

As I said to Claris, Laud, I will share with you.  As in life being about money, all life without money guarantees one thing.  Little probability of establishing anything of substances.  So can be said of a relationship greatly reduced in its successes because of a simple failure to pro-actively communicate.  Stating the whys and what for with regard to your expectations and aspirations, minus the B.S. created by so-called friends and FAM and…  Possibly including those fake professionals engaging a secondary life because they assume they know or have found something you haven’t found.  So I say once again, to win in a relationship, simple commit.  If you’re afraid, then.  You weren’t built for it in the first place.  Break-wide and find something different

Psssss; A Player feels the warmth from the sun just as you.  The difference in the degree of warmth felt, even if it’s a hot day is based on perception.  So when you see another, head held high,immersed in comfort while standing in the hot blazing sun, don’t trip, assuming they are a fool.  Just know they probably have ascended to a higher consciousness knowing something you need to know.

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