Holiday Greetings; Wifey Ex Porn Star… What?

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Sergei, (government name), strolled into my domain, bringing with him a tag-along; (despondency).  Glancing over his face, eyeballs bulged, nostrils lookin’ subway tunnels, I wondered if he may have been a collage of objects snatched from life itself.  Then, I ditched that in favor of knowin’ he was prepping for a role in the next SyFy movie.  Throwing himself into my good leather chair, crossing his arms, then the snort.  “Nasty” had arrived and with it, the typical words germane to what I do and deal with.  “After all these years, I can’t believe this bitch could fix her mouth to say what I heard her say, she was a star in the porn industry.”  Even though I don’t indulge “personally” the porn thing caught my attention.  Immediately I thought to myself, “Who could he be talkin’ about and based on his choice of topics, everything else had to be pushed into the recesses of my mind”.  There we sat.  Two men, one curious the other seeking a destination.  I, the one with subtle curiosity, draw lines on a paper, wait on some more to dribble over his lips.  He, watching me, and I know, because I use ‘ta read minds, wondering to himself.  “Does this man even understand this shit I’m going through?”  Then he shoots one of those confirming looks my way.  His mouth, sorta’ cracks just along the corner of one side and…  I instinctively knew one thing.  “After all these years of being away, “He” pulls me right back into it.”

Sergei.  Appeared at a time when I happened to be in “Mode2Me“.  And based on his time of arrival while opening on this level, he got one of my smiles said to be sorta’ mischievous.  Perceived as “Bad”, which is to say, I was functioning in optimum professional capacity and…  For his psychological pleasures, he’d get something no other would dare extend under like circumstances.  Whatever Sergei came with would be quickly unwrapped, consciously absorbed, assessed with a re-dress the likes he might not be ready for.

My words, rang true.  Sergei, like many, thought the apple he chose, the shinny one selected as his very own, was that un-touched one.  “No, I agree.  Impossible so factor in this.  Probably not anything like Mary, the Virgin, but, still angelic, okay.”  What Sergei hadn’t considered was, all apples start somewhere else way before they arrive, laid out, displayed in a very aesthetically sensuous way.  Apples, Women, Men.  It’s all about the visual.

Oh yes, I agree, apples aren’t like people, but what you’re missin’ while caught up in “what is correctness” is the simplicity of my analogy.  Maybe because you haven’t considered the origin of an…  Apple in relations to  Origins.

Macintosh, Granny Smith, Green Apples, Red Delicious, all apples.  All hybrids.  Created over years of cross breeding and or pollination.  Prior to arriving, they were  picked, gathered, sorted, classified, cleaned and polished.  “Hummm, now you’re feelin’ it, hun.”  Apples, exactly like any adult arrive direct from their childhood, appearing in the adult world.  Polished, ready willing and very able to satisfy.

One prob..  Sergei, unlike the child moving quickly towards adulthood, had an after market adaptation.  Not genetic modification but.  His mindset, based on environmental impacts had pre-programmed him.  He now wouldn’t think in his own best interest.  Conclusions of what or whom he dealt with were arrived at without any real understanding of pertinent facts.  “This is where everybody says, Assumptions“.  Exactly.  Like believing Wifey just dropped into his lap.  Appearing outta no where, only there for his pleasures.  Capable, like Super Woman yet.  Minus any applicable knowledge of…  Sergei.

“Hummm, did he think she’d been locked up somewhere, and when she caught a whiff of his scent, miraculously re-created the roll of Rapunzel?”

Without allowing me to even imply I wanted to delve a ‘lil deeper into the main issue, which was Wifey revelations, he continued.  Verbalizing with the “back story“.  Sergei, assuming again as to what my thoughts had to be, rushed to get his side out there and I.  Paid very close attention.  Mainly because he went beyond the scope required to “fill me in” and.  Brought me way up to speed.  In the process and having no shame in taking liberties towards personal embellishments, I realized something.  Sergei never was Sergei or was he ever, Serg.  The name came from the three times removed Uncle on his Mother’s, Sister’s Aunt’s side.  Who said “Nephew acted like a Sergei, so I named him Sergei “.  People and their B.S., don’t cha just luv the back story?

Before Serg even approached with this dilemma, someway, somehow I was privy to know a ‘lil something of his Wifey.  She, during another previous moment of emotional lapse, asked me to define, while clarifying the meaning of truthfulness within a relationship.  Based on what she knew of men she knew it wouldn’t have been nice to attempt to fool “me” regarding what she was comin’ across with.  I guess she heard of someone I knew personally; Mother Nature.  Fool her and you have no idea what’s comin’.  Sometimes I do some un-announced channeling, especially when anyone wants to…  Play mind games.  As with Sergei, so was I with Wifey in revealing how to work it where two are concerned.

On truthfulness, no matter how either of ’em served it.  Truth, would always be subjective.  Truth is relative to what one’s experiences are.  Even if you say you are truthful, your truth will only go so far as you intend.  If one feels the slightest bit of leaning towards a possible loss, based on tellin’ the truth, believe me.  What you get will be masked.  Delivered to gain sympathy.

When two people meet, feel they’re right for each other, personally and privately this won’t mean they will play fair.  When sharing with another regarding who you are, first you’ve gotta deal with where you’ve been.  And before you ever get to that point you’ve gotta factor in what you were doing when you were where you were at prior to arriving at your present point.  A point of intersection that may or may not be receptive to…  Right, the point from where you’re comin’ from.  This is not to say you lie to your significant other, but.  Adult life, with the various switches, contradictions pertaining to life within relationships.  Most aspects become an exchange of Intel based on a need to know basis.  Significant other and or others, included.

Significant other“, what exactly does this mean?  Straight-up, no chaser, okay I can do this.  It signifies another of supreme importance within your primary rotation inclusive of two.  So, if they are important you should also realize, unlike “Serg”, that when stepping to another it’s isn’t about what ‘cha need so much as.  Is she satisfying the want which attracted you in the first place.

Serg, Sergei, whoever he was, really didn’t know Wifey to be when first layin’ eyes on her.  He did know what he saw from a physical point.  Booty attracted.  Compelling his to do anything to, “have her his way“.  So, significant you say?  Not in the beginning and even if so, to who and to what degree?  And…  If you’re somebody trapped in this mystical fallacy that says when you’re feelin’ another to any degree you’ve gotta come correct as in truthful.  I offer you a stupid look following the word; Please.

Real Talk, Wifey, after say, the second time around, more than likely felt some sense of artificial guilt.  Broke down, feelin’ communicative, told him about past life’s and affairs.  Secretly hopin’ this would be one of those defining moments where truth would be held in high esteem.  Again, this is movie stuff.  Far from cynical but, she’d been better off buying a lottery ticket and tellin’ everybody she was the winner before the winner was even announced.  “Why?”  Because.  People, depending on their sex, factor in and think differently when hearing or witnessing anything.  Sergei, “male”, hearing what he did, would have still re-acted and performed with what he’s doin’ right now.  Mentally after Wifey dropped this on him went into immediate comparison analysis.  Auto-tune kicked completely in.  Emotions of a third kind was the fuel feeding his energy.  Demands from a psychological level forced him to run with this revelation.  Equation arrived at.  Porn Star!  With his imaginary thoughts of what he’d do with one if and when he’d get the slightest possibility or chance.  And…  Blow the hell out of his supposedly rational conclusions regarding who and what she was about.  Nothing remotely associated with truthfulness.

Sergei was “all twisted up in The Game“, exactly like most who haven’t a clue as to why situations and circumstances usher into one’s life.

Not to make this personal, but…  Hell, everything is personal and anybody who say’s it isn’t, they’re a liar.  With me, I know someone who spent some time in the Convent.  Habits and penance were in her future.  When she shared this to me, explaining that if she never saw me again, what was would be enough to sustain her forever.  I just looked at her.  It was good I had lived the life I had before encountering her.  Because…  No No, I won’t go there.  Just say no matter how many Hail Marys’, Acts of Contrition concluding with 5 Our Fathers I would have been made to recite after the fact.  I’d move straight to the front of the line for my next life of eternal damnation.

Convent, Nun in the mix.  Woman in possession of the triple threat body.  “Naivety” being her book of choice.  “Won’t stop, can’t stop…  It would have been all about the mash.”  When He or She comes likes this, it’s akin to enjoying an all day Lolly-Pop.

Point is.  Mode2Me was in full effect.  I knew when she and I met it was all about the hunt.  Initial attraction, all based on the physical.  Good for her and I during this initial encounter.  I knew the physical was beauty and running skin deep.  Peel back those layers, enjoy the unexpected delights, and.  With her, I quickly realized more and more deep down delectable’s.  Possibilities of a life defined while explored.  And with someone I could really see myself vibin’ with for quite a long time.  Still, in the recesses of my diabolical mind I knew this was a test and no matter how I love to test the Tester, one thing held factual.  Do I mess with her mind, defile “The Rose” and expect “The Gardener” to give me a pass once all is said and done?  Nope.  Wasn’t happening.  Not when knowin’ The Rose spent some time in The Gardner’s private garden.

Sergei my man, what can I say.  The importance shouldn’t be placed on what Wifey did.  The reality was, Wifey confided.  If anything he should be terrified of himself after the ignorance displayed when Wifey stepped to him with her truth.  Wifey was, and probably will always be, committed to him.  And don’t think she doesn’t know he wasn’t worthy of such a…  Delicious Apple.

Be it He or She, FOLK are always seeking validation on someone.  Forgetting that they have a past too.  If and when a past is revealed, most are way too occupied in what those on the outside will say once the word is out on who they are with.  Well ‘uck you Serg and naw on this!

What if.  What if your insecurities spawn from the basis of you knowin’ fully well  that where Wifey is comin’ from, is an area you damn well know you can’t compete with.  Somethin’ else.  Wifey, after all these years of faithfulness, told you a ‘lil about her secret past life and now…  Now you have to deal with the fact that you may not have known shit in relations to what she’d been exposed to, and…  Even though she said it, the real was you never did take her anywhere remotely close to the stage of satisfaction.

Sergei, if and when you check this out and.  Don’t even act like you won’t.  Don’t go commercial and start hatin’ on me.  You knew I was deep in my Mode2Me when you brought up this part of your life.  A full working knowledge was what you possessed.  Understanding of me professionally, prior to seeking me out for Intel on what you should do with…  Ex porn star Wifey.  Okay, now for the next fact.  She’s your Wifey.  She wasn’t messed up in the head when she came to you and you surely know that you weren’t “like that“.  Superstar Extraordinaire when you all first got it goin’ on.

So.  With that said, recognize this.  If you can’t uphold your end of any agreement, even if parts of that agreement don’t reveal themselves until you are deep into The Game, then.  You weren’t Game Tight from the beginning.  You were way outta your league.

Psssss; Whatever it is, handle it.  This is Holiday.  No time for madness and assumptions on what may have been.  It is!  Besides, allowing the thoughts and feelings of others to cloud your beliefs, ain’t gonna change a ‘thang.  Other than…  Your loss and…  You’ve got it….. their gain.  Holiday, rich or ‘po, if someone is there you can’t ask for more.

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