Archive for October, 2012

Match & Set, Applies to Way More Than Tennis

Posted in Communications, Men&Women, psychology, Relationships with tags , , on October 12, 2012 by ichas8440

What do men want in a woman?  For the ultimate woman, the one with an off the chart sexiness, the motivating factors begins with The 3 B’s.  “Booty, Beauty and Brains“.  Today, the formula has been tweaked by the addition of a fourth “B“.  Symbolic of “Balance“.  Real Talk, this “B” needs to be followed with an “S” indicative of that corruptive stanky stuff.  Anyone in this Game knows balance comes only when a lot of patience and time has been invested.  Oh, did you expect me to “dial it down” and not inject the word invested because of the connotation of a business arrangement?  Well excuse me.  Or , should I say, “excuse you” for assuming a relationship is anything short of an investment.

Before I continue, allow me to enlighten you on who comes with these definitive words reflective of wisdom.

Q 1, been in a primary relationship about to touch on the 30yr mark.  Prior to this one, had a first one.  Didn’t last.  I was young, full of some and wasn’t really tryin’ to be with just one.  Yes, some of us wake up rather late, but.  Like Moms always told me, “Better late than never“.

Q 2, during those formative years, “kick it” with way too many and seldom remembered any.  Went through women the same way a Pirate does when pulling into port, in the process discussed with various males attempting to do the same thing, ‘cept; I came with a twist.  I refused to tell even if they did, which is to say.  I acquired a lot when I was this way!  Point being.  Keep reading.

While speaking to a group of alphabet seekers the like such as.  MFC’s, Relationship Experts, Life Coaches, I decided to poll everybody right before I went into my spill.  Presented a series of questions which.  Went something like this.  “Let me see a show of hands identifying those who are presently in a relationship.  A fair number, including the timid ones allowed those hand to inch up.  Next, the request to see those of the audience who were married.  A very low number showed in this category.  The question capturing the greatest participation by an eager show of hands, came when I asked how many in attendance were with a significant other who was of the same sex.  A practicing Psychologist had to interrupt me by raising her hand, informing me of the “socially acceptable” term required in asking such a question.  “Alternative Relationship“.  Figuring I was stumped she hadn’t a clue.  Her boldness let me know I was definitely in the right place.  You could sense the anticipation of better things to come in the eyes of all seated when I said a relationship isn’t alternative but primary.  Alternative merely means substitute.  Substitution comes about because of continuous failures.  A switch-up in the line-up by those in play, hoping to find something that works.  Think “Ah Ha” moment.

With the access to such a diverse society in regards to dating, matching one with another,  don’t come at all if you haven’t an “A Game” when engaging in The Game.  I’ve asked many who carry the tag of; Match Maker To The Stars, Dating Experts, Life Coach Consultant slash Relationships, etc etc.  “Do you all go home and sleep with these clients?”  The unanimous response erupted like a bunch of pioneers circling in covered wagons.  All delivering the same ‘ol song, “heavens no“.  Which, like the seminar I spoke at prior, allowed me to say, “my point exactly“.  “If you aren’t gonna go and sleep between these two how in the hell can you realistically say they will be compatible!”

Still, they had an alibi for their DRAMA, and added more.  “Well today we are such a highly advanced society, technologically speaking, we have constructed various test extremely reliable in confirming our expertise“.

Like I said, DRAMA.  If these tests based on computer generated results are so precise, why then do we have such a high divorce rate?  Not only in Western Society but.  All over the world?  Let me tell ‘ya.  Because no test can account for the X Factor which…  Where He and She  are concerned, identifies a human component manifested as an emotion.  Unlike a UFO emotions are identifiable, they just aren’t chartable in a categorical sense.  Way to combustible.

Imagine.  A highly sophisticated vehicle or piece of machinery, plugged up, used to gathered data, then analyze same.  Followed by assigning a value and categorized, eventual results tabbed and delivered in a nicely printed form.  All saying how they apply and what is prescribed to adjust, repair or strip out and maybe fully replace, well hey…  People don’t respond to such…  Sophistication.

Someone once said I was cruel.  This stopped me in my mental tracks and because I’m a “good guy”, decided to oblige ’em.  Turning, I didn’t seek an explanation but added to this foundation for cruelness by saying.  “I’m cruel based on not coming as you anticipated me to.  Cruel because I haven’t performed according to your play book, purchased via your Amazon account.  Cruel is assuming I’d be identifiable based on some B.S. you thought would apply to me.”  A sane person wouldn’t have gotten mad but then again.  A sane person recognizes when the Match isn’t a Set and smoothly becomes invisible.  Comfortable in knowing there will be another day where they can option to exercise, and…  Possibly during the next engagement “She or He” will start off with a simple “Hi“.

Because of how I “use ‘ta be“, some assume I’ve managed this long in my primary relationship because I’m Alpha.  Because I’ve learned to manipulate the mind into submission.  I laugh and again, because.  They don’t know me.  Character is defined when one is dealt a heavy dish of derogatory stuff and.  They rise from the adversity way better than they were before.  Conscious of their fault and completely aware of what is needed if this thing is gonna work.  Needed, not wanted!  Yeah, I’m Alpha.  I understand the requirements in accepting command while leading me and mines into the life so sought.  Knowing…  That times will come when I will not be able to lead and will have to.  Step aside.  Being perfectly comfortable with the one on my side who is now stepping out and taking us further on this path where we both “Exchange Cards“.

Exchanging Cards.  An analogy having cross over applications.  Simply said, I give something, it is picked up, examined.  Associated with what is already in hand, if it works, it will be kept.  If it doesn’t fit, get rid of it.  The key to making Exchanging Cards work is both Players have to give while they are getting all during the same moment.  This is called, “Fair Exchange“.  Most in a relationship haven’t a clue of what fair exchange is, which is why “most” cannot even make it past the 7 year itch point.

Recently a man spent 65k on Match Makers.  Furious was he because…  He said he didn’t get his moneys worth and was still single.  The Match Makers on deck collectively cried out foul.  Labeled him as way too picky.  Even went on to describe the man as a 7 who was seeking a 10.  Okay, I get his thoughts of wanting to “move up“.  Every man wants a 10 just as every woman wants an 11 so she doesn’t have to wait until she gets to heaven to enjoy her life.  As far as him not being realistic in setting his sights.  What about the Match Makers and their realism?  they should have been realistic by tellin’ him…   Truth.  From their professional perspective, money dictates the union between Match Maker and client, and…  The M.M. first rule of engagement is to be damned if they even think about telling a client “Whoa Nelly, you aren’t built for this race“.

My lady asked me in the beginning of our lives together, why?  Why was I with her when I had all these other women.  What could I possibly want her?  She’s good, yes she is deceptively good.  This wasn’t a question more so a statement, one the average man wouldn’t have seen comin’.  She, effectively put me in a position from day one.  Me.  Before me, seeking clarification was one who was astute to the degree of signifyin’ while qualifying me by complimented me before and during her questioning of me.  She knew enough so she accentuated the “we“.  Knowing if I answered wrong, she’d have her answer in more ways than I’d every consider could be an answer.  Then, she’d be outta there quicker than I could.  Switch my story as I shifted into overdrive so that I could beat out what had already slipped out.  No way was I gonna miss this opp. and slip into darkness.

My response.  “Because, they aren’t you.”  Yes, I knew I was good and together she and I would be better.  Now, tell me, can a Dating service predict “swagger” aka “ultra cool” based on some non-emotional emitting computer holding a person’s life in its balance?  No.  To engage as I just described only comes from “Face Time“.  That moment after the “Dance Of Deception“.  You know…  When the night is still young and you and her or you and he, post up.  Say somewhere cozy and just chill.  Settle down and talk about it.  Even if the talk takes you into the “no zone” where neither of you aren’t even remotely concerned about the passage of time.

He makes this sound so, simple.”  Truth Be Told, it is.  Anyone who’s about something will take a step back, evaluates their strengths while realizing their weakness.  I did.  I was once a “beast“.  Probably like many.   I was straight out weak when engaged in The Game of Love.  Talked smoother than a baby’s ass, but…  Let my words fail to obtain what was in my brain and I went into a space that very few will admit to relating with.  In this zone I would shout beyond my lungs capacity.  Posture like a wild one.  Articulate like Superman aka Super Villain and.  Even move to the physical.  Oh yeah, I could go on one, but.  As mentioned, eventually I knew my strengths.  These traits just laid out were weaknesses.  Erupting because I didn’t get my cake and wasn’t able to eat it all at the same time.  In knowing me, I knew what I had and knew others couldn’t put together what I could.  Yeah baby, I had my Ying with the Yang.  This is also known as harmony.

There isn’t a match maker, date expert who can tell ‘ya, “she feels you“.  Pictures are pushed, you examine ’em but.  Do these experts tell your first attraction is based on the physical?  You’ve asked to see a pic.  You’ve bought into the package knowing first hand you’d receive numerous photos to get the visual on your hidden desires, but.  They selectively didn’t tell ya they knew it is all initially physical; did they?

 Physical attractions.  They are…  So arcane.  Un hum, just as primitive as people are as they are primal.

I ask those whom I’ve accepted as clients, “why are you seeking a mate“.  When I hear the rhetoric such as, “it’s about what we can put together“, “what we can have” I always, close one eye and peek outta the other.  Hopin’ they get the hint.  Visually impressing to ’em I know they should know, like when dealing with Mother Nature.  It’s not nice to try to fool someone.  A relationship is a union between two.  Coming together to build a dynasty.  Even if the two don’t even have a pot to piss in.  It will come down to physical compatibility so just say it from day one.  Don’t come with the lies about the stress of your life a the only reason you cannot get out there and engage.  Don’t base your need to have another assist you in your search because…  You are rich and want a professional to screen those you seek aka background.  Stop with the B.S.

I also know that cultural differences have to be discussed when leaving it open about, race, creed and or color when filling out apps in your hopes of being given a collection of suitable “playing partners“.  Those areas where no one wants to appear discriminatory, when.  Asked you “flava of the day”.  These qualifications go out the window when it ain’t working with the one you look like, and so.  Now you wanna sample what is across the fence, so to speak.  Its okay.  Massa did it.  the Kings and Queens of ancient worlds did it.  Why not today?

There are all these reports of super wealthy men, aka “businessmen” who are seeking extraordinary looking women of color as their dates.  They shower these women with expensive gifts all under the guise of  the “wine and dine“.  Reality 101, color doesn’t mean a thing when you have the ducats to do what cha want.  Color only means something when you are broke, to the curb and really don’t have anything to offer.  But then again, those Match Makers ain’t gonna upset your quest and tell you color does still hold a place between He and She.  Just wait ’til it doesn’t work and you are called outta your name by means of the injection of something racial.

I am a pretty calculative Chess Player.  I love the game.  Strategy and Tactics.  My primary relationship is set up just like the board during a game of Chess.  Maybe yours should be too.  What makes a game good, just as with a relationship, is the level of skill your mate comes with.  I’m still in mine because.  Like Chess, I have no problem in defining what can work.  What should work and how it works.  To give you way more insight than you deserve, its like this.  She moves, I don’t see the applications like she does.  I step back, act as if I’m pondering something of greatness, then.  Casually suggest other avenues of approach.  Greater Women make Greater Men.  A great Player is the one who is a complimentary Player.  Which is to say, “Kick Game“.  Coded language.  Means, explain to your significant other what’s really goin’ on.  That way, if and when you are down, they ain’t tryin’ to leave town.  They are vested.  All because you’ve taken a true interest in not only who they are, but.  Where they are and what they can truly become.

There is so much more to this but…

Psssss:  With all this technology people have become complacent.  All the free info existing on the Internet, people don’t wanna pay for anything.  Well, it’s like this.  A friend of mine knows someone who is getting a divorce.  He called, asked how to extract the liquidity from the union.  I confirmed, that’s it.  Morals you know.  But.  When he delved deeper, seeking how his friend could sustain even more, I asked was his friend going to an Attorney.  This was confirmed also.  With all this confirming goin’ on I said, when your friend doesn’t learn of these methods of extraction I know it will be because of their failure to…  Oh yeah, spend the money.  Intel is way more valuable than any info.  I spread Intel.  I mean, can’t you tell…