How does One accept what goes on within their intimate life when One can’t stand the person (s) lookin’ back at them in the mirror?
When the question was pushed, “How can I stay with my partner when they cheated on me”, my first thought; reflective. It was the tone of voice which garnered my immediate attention primarily because. The inflections upon the words chosen brought forth the condition of a declaration. Yes, when communicating with another listen closely and you too can achieve this same ability in distinguishing while deciphering the exact origin of meanings. A declarative statement comes when One is still processing what it is that has caused them to pause in the first place. Declarative, under these circumstances means, “The pain, oh the pain”. And yes, Pain replies. “I’m here, simmering just below the first layer of your skin, waiting. Patiently for the moment you thinks everything is okay and then, bam. I become the primarily reality while continuing to strike with a paralyzing force letting you know I am. Large and in-charge because “YOU” refused to process me correctly during your initial exposure with what I bring to your table. Hummm, the sting, it still hurts an even more than before. I told ‘ya I was real…”
First, when the realization comes and you visual the cheatin’ you know has happened, don’t… I say again, don’t act surprised. You should have been “making time” when you first set sights on your hearts’ desire. Right, in relationships most are “marking time” which is the process of counting conquests and not making time which is focused pro-active devotion while truly engaged. Once cheatin’ has come to the light know this; there’s no new and improved School of Thought where One can enroll and learn the ways of romance which is the real motivation for the intimate relationship. Something else, if One does slip up, identify a plan of approach and appears to be making time the Haters are already aligned and will voice in a collective way. “You don’t know a damn thang about why you seem to be havin’ it your way with your significant other so stop it and come listen to me”. Which brings me to this position. Yes, the more this is contemplated and the FOLK involved rear their heads voicing their opinions, the more it appears counterintuitive to me so… Why even listen to anybody who’s track record resembles the record of One who’s compromised themselves in all their previous intimate endeavors?
Secondly, when another cheats on One the difficulty in acceptance regarding what has just become joint common knowledge is based on what One has disliked of the self when reflecting on the image projected while in; The mirror. This is to say, when you find fault within yourself don’t even think the other won’t identify the insecurities displayed within One’s psyche’ also. Oh yes, what One assumes isn’t seen is always seen, just… Seldom spoken about because. Like you, the One in observation is from the same school of thought that says, “Calculate ,examine your opponent, risks factors, down grade immediately because this is pleasure baby, pure pleasure ”. Right, the mind-set going into a relationship based on this dynamic pushes One to believe the hype. “I’m not competing because they. They… They are so compatible with me this has to be real.” Possibly, because with all the B.S. previously heard, believe and accepted your mind… Is playin’ tricks on you.
Take it back to the beginning and you shall see, all relationship have a point where life is revolving while evolving in a state of total bliss. Everything feels so good. The stars in the sky are all in their proper alignment, the moon has shined down on One engulfing them and theirs in that lunar effect. Nothing could be greater because… Everything feels so right. Hummm, it’s during this moment that One should consider and make the consideration extreme because. You’ve just become the unlikely receptor of a chemically induced emotional head rush. Don’t partake in illegal drug usage? Doesn’t matter, the body has a remarkable Water Management program of which nothing man nor kind has been able to duplicate. Now, with this in mind, factor in the body’s chemical manufacturing processing systems and you will quickly realize, The Cartel ain’t got nothin’ on you in the way of internal substances that are produced for one purpose. To make you feel good. Extremely “high”. So all this bliss is, self induced and fully anticipated once and when you know.
Third, when you accept those aspects of The Self to which, One always publicly says “I luv myself”, when. You truly know the real is, “There’s always something about me I can’t stand, and would change in a heart-beat”… What, you thought you hid it well? Don’t trip, you are only human. What you hid was your ability to keep up what you started up. Which was, a relationship built on the best you got, when… The reality was, you knew you couldn’t keep it up but… Who would find out and if you were exposed, too much time would have passed and nobody ‘ucks it up when vested. Actually this is more manufactured B.S…
Movin’ from the traditional because all of what has been said is elementary. Cheatin’ happens because… Because… You just wasn’t all that from The Gate and yes I know there is the X Factor of which no one has any control of, still. The betrayal is felt based on the realization of what One kept seeing in the mirror yet refused to deal with straight-up with no chaser. When you “Play Hard” you’ve gotta think about the prequel. Its comin’ and not in the sequence you anticipated. There’s always a second act, side two, the flippin’ of the script because. That’s what FOLK have been pre-programmed to envision when dealin’ with another. Oh, forgot about the “elephant in the room”? Shouldn’t have ‘cause I told ya there isn’t a school to get you ready for the relationship but there will always be the spread of methods to beat you down once… Caught up. Again, if you think “traditional” you will miss the real. I suggest stepping outta your comfort zone and soar with what you may find. Once it happens it’s like stopping the bell from ringing after it rang. It happened, the move now is to become aware of the causes. Reflect and plot a plan on how to make the correction and. You will continue to find displeasure in the choices you accept for mates, but. It doesn’t stop the pro-active process.
Been cheated on… Well you should have been paying attention to the clock. When considering time and watching it pass, you soon realize, “It ain’t over”, it’s never over as in… Over. There’s always, time. When arriving at this juncture you find the horizons are so much brighter because. Options began to reveal themselves in ways and possible means not quite before imagined. There’s still the tried and true resolution beginning with leaving. Or, you can back-track while setting the stage to win He or She back, but. Fail to consider the option of “Who am I and What will I do for me”, and you will keep repeating the process beginning with selections from the of disillusioned mind category.
When I was “Played On”,(Oh, we don’t refer to this aspect of life as cheatin’ but it’s all the same). When it happened to me I went through the same range of negative emotions just like average FOLK, but. I rose above the madness because I truly know we aren’t all the same so that standardized classic B.S. about we are all the same, I won’t pick up. Step with me, mesmerize me while telling me I’m the best you’ve ever had and I know one thing. Even though I really really wanna believe you and know that I can find a way to absorb your inspiring words while making it all emotionally adaptable, you are a lie. Same fears and phobias I held, no doubt I knew my significant other had those mirrored images reflected right back at ‘em when they stood, contemplating all their successes. With… One huge difference, sometimes my magic mirror displayed nightmares and I had every intention of blasting them right outta my life. How? The same way any addiction is dealt with. Yes, the cheatin’ aspect of a relationship is akin to an addiction.
The basic realities of all relationships are just that, basic. You wanna win at this “re-configuration of self” get with this blue print. Like an addiction you’ve gotta wanna change before change will manifest. Like an addict goes to rehab so they may rid themselves of all the toxins poisoning their body because of what they keep putting in it. You also have to understand the values of following an exact blueprint. The only way you’re gonna maintain any sense of exclusivity within a relationship you’ve gotta continuously return to the source for the same purification. Find your reasons for being and make them trump. What makes you stand minus all the B.S will trump when you believe in it and live by it.
Cheated on, really… Is there actually such a thing and if it is so what. When or if it happens in your world, expand the alliances within that world. Reach out and touch. Create a support system. Not one where everybody is reciting those same ‘ol tired ass phrases. You wanna take your re-certification in relationship 101 to the highest level. Maybe ,in your moment of lapse and you find yourself driving aimlessly, lock into a real lyricist. Those who compose songs usually have had universal experiences of which they’ve managed to find the capacity to put it into a language with a melodic component. To point you in a liked minded direction, think Rick James. He pinned a piece where the lyrics went like this. “Dance with, dance with me baby. Shake your body all over and dance with me”. Now imagine stepping to your significant other and sayin’ this. No one especially a lover, consciously wants to refuse a dance where they are the center of attention. Does something magical to the overall connection of intimacy. Words such as this becomes personal mantras and privately elevate because they make One focus on what happens when One procrastinates while standing on that hype about, right. “The Best I’ve Ever Had”.
All of those groups where One attends and say, “My name is, and I’m a…” These groups have one good thing in common. They know it ain’t ever over. When you least expect it the monster will re-appear and this isn’t to say, cheatin’ is inevitable. What is gonna happen, what is inevitable is… Life. So search and find those or One who is aware of the dynamics making up your life. Don’t settle based on what’s trending at any given time. What’s popular isn’t always what’s best. Western Society is steep in “Group Dynamics” which is a sheep’s mentality. Break smooth away from this cycle. Don’t wanna find yourself wonderin’ if He or She is creepin’ while you sleep, wake the ‘uck up. Connect yourself to you and define who you are, accept what you wanna be about and be about that.
“This is a prioritization for your health and life. Believe that!”
Psssss; When I found myself in the mist of… She who cheated on me and after listening to her explanation. A story thought of and planned for this very occasion, I was also consumed with my very own plan designed to give me psychological restoration despite of past “regressions”, but. I wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction and play the role she pre-scripted for me. Instead, I listened intently, held her hand and gazed into her eyes and… When she knew she had me again, I… Hummm, this is where the prequel comes immediately into play. Did I, swoop her off her feet, holding her high above the ground. Place that over-due passionate kiss upon her lips and accidentally drop her on her ass just to get back like she did when she cheated on me and believe it was now, equal between us or… Was I the One who listened and applied the same charisma she thought she had seen all the facets of when we were engaged only to discover, now… I was more self-centered than she’d ever imagined and. While looking into her eyes, mentally projecting my un-dying stupidity for her and her psychologically debilitating antics, of which I blasted back into a time neither She or I intended to re-examine and… Have the valet rush to bring up my car so she and I could make it to the nearest hotel, do the nasty, shower and cuddle one last time before. Before she and I returned to our prospective significant others? This has been scripted, edited and produced by none other than; The 22nd G. There will be no others like me. Assimilation? Of course, but… That still won’t make you me. Take what ‘cha can, absorb, re-design, make it personal and claim it. That’s how you soar with the visualization of what others see, know and are willing to share.